I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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