The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
