I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
