I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
