I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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