I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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