i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
