Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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