I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
