If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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