1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
