Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
