I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
