I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
