I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
