I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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