i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
