one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
