i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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