yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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