we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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