ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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