it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
