I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
