TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
