I just cut my nipple shaving
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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