return my video game
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
