ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So many bounce houses so little time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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