Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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