Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
