This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
