where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
