Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
