and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
