I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
