Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
