you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
