Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
