weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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