My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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