Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?