Can i not drive my cunt home
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours