You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dating After Heartbreak
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.