Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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