Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex