my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?