His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.