no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.