Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
