Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
