she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
