Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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