new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
