I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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