his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
