Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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