Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
