I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
