Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
