your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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