I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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