i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
