when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
