so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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