When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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