Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
