i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
