listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
