I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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