i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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