I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
