Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
