for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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