is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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