We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
