So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
