I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
