so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Randomize
