Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
