please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
