Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
