$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
