How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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