We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
