Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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