Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
