I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
