Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
