life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A+ Viking dick
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
