The maid of honor just puked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
