I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize