This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
