He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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